Devastated

Dear Valentine,
I am listening to Karen Carpenter singing Yesterday Once More,
Over and over again , yet I knew I have to write this in public....
Come March 30th 2009, it will be 3 months since my father passed away. I feel so lost sometimes wondering whether I did any wrong doing on that Tuesday morning 30th December 2008. I did asked my father whether he wanted to see the doctor in the morning but he refused. I knew I should have forced him to do so.

If I have enough cash now, I would have booked the airline ticket to Saskatoon right away. I need a break from this great loss. While on the flight from Vancouver to Saskatoon I should see the beautiful scenery of Banff and Jasper.

But in reality I still need to save more money for that flight to Saskatoon. My emotion is still not stable, my heart pounding fast most of the time but I don't care. I was supposed to undergo a stress test and echo last week but I didn't go to the hospital because I knew I would fail the stress test. I am still unstable emotionally.

One day I will go Saskatoon and Outlook again.